The Barista at Starbucks messes up your drink, instead of politely asking her to fix it you instead run off to work (you are running late already) and you think to yourself “What a shitty day to start the day, my whole day is ruined!” Things begin to spiral after that and every little thing that happens just adds to your bad mood. A lot of us do this everyday - in some form or another. The littlest things can make us feel like our whole world is crumbling and that our life sucks.
It’s easy for me especially to focus on all of the bad things in the world. It’s easy to complain about things that are not fair. We never truly feel happy because our lives may be so “awful.” We get angry because people remind us there are others who have it worse. Negative thoughts ruminate in our minds all day long. It’s a constant cycle - focusing on all that is wrong versus all that is good. For me, I used to get mad at the universe for “messing up my life.” My struggles seemed impossible day to day and I thought how much my life sucked. I was severely depressed internally, fantasizing about how my life could be better if only I had the energy to fix it. Then one day, I realized something needed to change. The negative thoughts I was telling myself were only getting worse. My world was collapsing in on me and I never thought things would get better. I was jealous of those who seemed to be happy ALL of the time, even when shit was going bad in their life. I then tried to lean on gratitude. Gratitude is the one thing that can bring me back down to earth. Mainly because it reminds me how lucky I am. Not only that, but it forces me to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. For me, my gratitude consists of the most simple things. Things like my health, my apartment, my family, my friends, BEING ALIVE. We forget how blessed we really are. The fact that I am alive is enough to remind me that I should really be happy for all that I have. It took me awhile though, I wasn’t instantly cured. The more I focused on being grateful, the more I slowly was brought back to my happiness. It was the start of me having a whole new perspective on life and how focusing on the positives everyday could really make a difference in all other aspects of my life. I find myself more tolerant, more patience, more loving and more grateful for the most simplest things. I wake up in the morning and feel excited to start a new day, not because I HAVE to but because I GET to! Before, I couldn’t tell you enough how awful I thought my life was. Now I am just so grateful to be here and to experience life’s gifts every day, even when things get hard. It’s a privilege to do this, it’s no longer a painful task, it’s a beautiful opportunity. I write a gratitude list every morning, when people ask me how I am doing I no longer say “my life sucks”, I focus on the good in front of me. I know that when I put a lot of energy in the bad it just leads me down a dead end and I don’t want to be stuck in that cycle again. There is never a day where I think “I have nothing to be grateful for.” Some days I may be stuck in a negative mind, I had a bad day or my anxiety is acting extra. But if I can just remember what I am grateful for then it can help ease my mind even the slightest. Gratitude has made all the difference, it constantly snaps me back to reality and reminds me that no matter what, things will be okay and for that… I am grateful ;)
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At age 16 I found the gym. I instantly fell in love with it - it helped my mind be at ease. For awhile I used to gym to make me feel better mentally. My anxiety was so high in my teenage years that working out was my only escape. Thankfully both of my parents knew a thing or two about working out, so instantly I found weight lifting and loved it. I hated running but at that time I still made myself do cardio every gym session. I also loved the gym because it boosted my self esteem - mainly because I looked and felt great.
As time went on this slowly started to disappear. I started to use the gym less as a mental escape and more just to look good. Now this is totally fine if you feel you have other ways to help you mentally - a lot of us work out to look good. But for me, it got to my head. I wanted to be skinny, I wanted to have tiny toned arms and I wanted abs - really bad. I started to do a lot of cardio - hard HIIT exercises on the treadmill and I really obsessed about it. I started to follow fitness accounts of girls who had the biggest butts and the skinniest legs. I basically was trying to achieve a physique that was not possible for my body. Genetically I am tall and lean. I’m not sure I will ever be thicker in the legs or have a tiny waist. I don’t think having abs is ever possible for me either. So when I was at this point in my life of obsessing over having the perfect physique it really hurt my self-esteem. Mainly because the more I wasn’t seeing results the more I would get upset with who I was. I desperately wanted to look like somone else, instead of appreciating the body I was given. Not to mention I wasn’t eating the right foods. I wouldn’t say I was caught in a binge cycle but in college I was so stressed out I barely ate enough anyway. I never had enough protein and barely ate a vegetable. It wasn’t until I hit a certain point where I didn’t feel well, I had no energy, my anxiety was at an all time high. I started to remember why I worked out in the first place - to feel good and to be strong. It took me awhile to reconnect with this idea. I still wanted so desperately to have strong thick legs and poking abs. Once I finally re-committed myself and my happiness I realized that the gym could be my saving grace, but only if I let it be. I started to do some research on how to eat for maximum health versus how to eat to stay skinny and get abs. I started lifting weights and I started lifting heavy weights at that. I went for a run only if it I wanted too - I stopped forcing myself to do cardio if it really made me unhappy. It took me a long time to get this spot. To really realize that I needed to stop chasing a physique that most girls get by using plastic surgery. I started to fuel my body with vegetables, fruit, high protein meals. I started doing yoga and lifting 4 times a week. I didn’t constantly check myself out in the mirror anymore looking for abs and I also haven’t weighed myself seriously in like 3 years. Once I took the time to see how I was harming myself, I was able to see clearly how I could use the gym as a place to make me feel better. I use to go in there and be jealous of the other girls and their skinny bodies. Now I go in there and do my work, I smile at others and I don’t place judgement on anyone. I’ve most importantly learned to not compare someone’s day 365 to my day 1. I now appreciate the body I have and am so grateful to have a healthy body - there are a lot of people out there who would kill to have a body that was functioning healthy. I have found a new love for the gym and my body. I feel strong physically and mentally. I feel at peace knowing I fuel myself with good foods, while also treating myself i I want too. I don’t deprive myself. I go to the gym knowing I am doing something good for me and not to punish myself for eating too much pasta the day before. The gym should be your safe haven, not your punishment. So shout out to anyone who is on the self love journey. Take a look at how you view yourself and make an adjustment from there. It all takes time. But you are loved and I promise the person you are and the body you have is enough. <3 I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately. I am a creature of habit, I like what I like and sometimes change can be very uncomfortable for me. But lately, when I look back on a few months ago I realize that change is happening all around me. You can’t always control change - sometimes the best thing to do is to let it happen. Flowing with the current and adapting to my surroundings has better served me than trying to fight against it.
Sometimes change is necessary though. We are constantly evolving in our lives. I think that the worst thing you can do for yourself is stay stagnant. Especially if you aren’t making any progress in where you are- then something needs to change. There are many types of change, big changes, little changes, bad changes, healthy changes etc. You could switch up your diet, move cities, meet someone new, start a new career, take up a new hobby. It’s wild to think that things are changing each and every day. Everyone around us is experiencing some form of changes, even if they can’t feel it in that moment. The person I was 6 months ago is not who I am today, even though there are parts of me still in there. I have changed, heck I see changes from even a month ago. I also see this in a lot of the people around me. So why are we afraid? Change is good. Change is powerful. I was recently looking at old pictures of myself from two years ago. Picture this, a drunk meg screaming into the camera the lyrics of some rap song. Swipe a a little bit and you will see me double fisting a genny lite. I remember the girl I was then. I remember the girl I was when I first moved to New York. I even remember the girl I was in high school. She was desperate, desperate to be happy, desperate to be loved. She wanted to make fashion her whole career. The girl I was when I first moved to New York City aspired to be overtired, overworked and passionless. She spent her weekends running through the city chasing a high that she never wanted to come down from. The girl I was is still in there inside of me. But I have changed. As much as it has scared me to change, I did it anyway. I fought for many years against the changes I knew I needed to make. Fearing commitment of a new life. Fearing that making a change would hurt me rather than heal me. But here I am, allowing change in, allowing life to happen. I was depressed so I stopped using all substances. I was lonely so I started to learn how to love myself. I was aware of how I wasn’t putting myself first, so I let go of some people in my life. I was anxious so I started actively putting my mental health first. I was passionless and overworked so I quit my job. This is just the beginning. Change is all around us. Take a look. Most of the time it’s necessary change. Change can be freeing, it can be just what we needed. I don’t want to run from it anymore and so I will embrace it with open arms. When I was younger I imagined my life at 23 many times over. I imagined myself with a career, the perfect boyfriend, a cute little apartment and of course a pug. I imagined myself thriving in every aspect of my life. I wanted to be perfect and I beat myself down until I got there. Unfortunately I grew up and realized that reality is, nothing is perfect. I wanted to be perfect for myself and everyone else who looked up to me. But now I see that perfection is nothing more than an illusion. I sit here writing this, 23, no boyfriend, no pug and a decent brooklyn apartment. I find myself not sure what I want to do for a career and finding no passion in anything else that I am doing. I love to write but I can’t find the courage to make a career out of it. I’m drowning in debt, I like to shop and quite frankly living with my parents again sounds quite appealing. What they don’t tell you about growing up is that this is the chance to find yourself. I like to think I am the only person in the whole wide world who feels like she is just learning who she is. I know that a lot of people are quite older than me and still don’t know who they are. I am hard on myself because I don’t have a booming career or lots of money in the bank. And I am trying to find the space between being gentle with myself but not letting myself be lazy. I find that life has beaten me down pretty bad. But I don’t ever want to use that as an excuse because I was given this life for a reason. Some days my anxiety overpowers me, reminds me that I am not good enough to do anything. So I find myself stuck in bed, wanting to sleep for 15 hours a day just to feel okay. I listen to all of the people that told me I wouldn’t make it in a big city. I then remind myself that no one’s opinion matters to me except my own. I have to believe that the universe is working on something for me. I have to believe that this is just a part of the journey. A lot of people tell me that I am living my best life - or at least it seems that way on social media. I guess I can’t complain because my life is exponentially better than it was 6 months ago. I have to do a lot and use a lot of tools just to feel okay. Lately, I just find my perfectionism crawling it’s way out and trying to take over every aspect of my life. I’m deeply uncomfortable with the fact that I don’t have my life figured out yet. People say that’s okay you are young, but I have an old soul and that makes me think that I need to get it together right now. I try to push the negative thinking away. I really like to focus on the positives - because the fact that I am alive right now should be enough. I’m not depressed like I used to be. I don’t wonder about death all of the time. I am happy to be alive, to be present and to be on this journey. But I can’t help but wonder what life will look like for me in the coming months - or years. I know that having a plan is the quickest way to make God laugh. I dream of the day I can be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Life is a gift, a beautiful one. And at 23, I will remind myself that it’s okay to not have anything figured out. I just keep chasing my happiness and I know that one day I’ll look back on this and smile. Being 23, scared, lost and alone - is just the beginning. I know that there a lot of others out there who feel the same way as me. I know that this isn’t just my story. It’s a lot of ours. I am not going to blame my anxiety or my depression this time around. Because I know that a big piece of living a happy life is feeling these scared and sad emotions and pushing through it anyway. I may not feel as ambitious as I did in college but I do know one thing - things will manifest if I keep doing the right things for myself. If I stop with the perfectionism and the stigma that you are worthless if you don’t have it figured out after college. I don’t regret any of my decisions thus far because I know that the path I am walking down is leading to something greater. So, here I stand. 23 and open, willing, and fearless to push through everything that is bringing me down. I trust you, universe, to bring me to what I need in this life. There is a misconception that people who are single are lonely. That not having a significant other automatically means that someone is unhappy or has a hard time finding love. As I am coming up on being single for 3 years I have realized a lot of things. Mainly what it means to be single in today’s world and how that has affected my happiness. For one, I’ve been on a few dates, maybe had a few crushes but I haven’t been in a relationship since January 2016. To some people this is not a long time at all, and to others it can feel like three times as long. I don’t look at it as being too much time or too short of time, it simply is what it is. Coming out of a relationship that meant a lot to me caused me to grow up a lot. I realized that a healthy relationship does not consist of insecurities, being silent instead of expressing your emotions, jealousy, and the feeling of being codependent on someone for your own happiness. The past three years have made me realize that two whole’s make a whole. If you are with someone and expecting them to be your “other half” in many different ways, then I don’t think the relationship can ever flourish in the way I atleast want it to. When I think of the relationship that I want for myself, I automatically think of the person I want to be first. I want to be fully in a place of growth, I want to know exactly what I want and don’t want. This goes for the person I am with, I can’t be with someone who isn’t at least on the same level as me. When it comes down to it, my partner should compliment my life not be my whole life and they should feel the same way. That’s something worth waiting for.
Being alone for me doesn’t always feel lonely. That’s what I am working on most - finding peace and comfort in being by myself all of the time. I have made a lot of growth with that. Living in New York City I force myself to do things alone a lot of the time and I thoroughly enjoy it. Because I can do things that I enjoy and on my own agenda. I can explore and be fully present in the moment. I used to spend time with a lot of people who didn’t share the same values or who didn’t like to do the same things as me. This caused a lot of forced friendships because I was afraid to do things alone, I have now realized that my peace is the most precious thing, and if I continue to spend time doing things that ruin that peace it’s not worth it. There’s always been a negative connotation with being single or spending too much time alone. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing - it really doesn’t. I believe in the timing of the universe and I believe that personal growth will only push me toward who I am meant to be with and the friends I am supposed to surround myself with. The more I focus on myself and my happiness - the more whole I feel. That’s the key, feeling whole - in a place of complete self love and awareness. I find nothing wrong with being “picky” or having “high standards.” Because long ago I did not have the best standards - let’s not talk about high school shall we? When you lower your standards because you are coming from a place of loneliness it only lessens the self love you have for yourself. Feel like you are always getting the same results from each relationship or person you meet? Check your values, check your self worth and the personal growth - does it align with the what you want out of a relationship? Don’t run to someone out of loneliness or ignore red flags. Living in a place of self care is wholeheartedly doing everything you can to be with someone who isn’t just there as a temporary relief to all of your major problems - that will stop your growth. Putting yourself first and trying to become the best version of you is the greatest gift you can give not only your future partner (or the one you have now) but yourself. Being alone was uncomfortable at first. But I embraced that - somewhere deep down I knew I wasn’t going to find my dream partner if I was never fully satisfied with the person I am. You come to a point where you realize settling for the next best thing doesn’t always create happiness. And although it’s daily growth and a journey, I know each day I am on the right path. Not just at finding a “dream relationship” but at building my dream life for myself. Stay true to yourself and your heart always - the rest will manifest. I’ ll never be ashamed of my mental illness because it wants me to keep quiet. My disease wants me to suffer in silence so that it can grow stronger and stronger.
When I decided to open up to the world about my struggles I knew how vulnerable I would have to be. It took me a bit to realize that when I open myself up to the world that it will be scary and a lot of people may not understand at first. Some will say I am seeking attention. But what I’ve come to find is that so many more people can relate then I ever expected. By speaking out on my own struggles I have helped give a voice to so many others who have lost theirs. And I can only hope that they will then do the same for even more people. I will never be ashamed of who I am, what I have faced and continue to face. Our darkness is what makes us human. The pain we have builds us to be the person we are called to be. I used to think that my feelings weren’t valued. That what I felt didn’t matter, I was completely alone in this world. I felt this way for a long time. So much of my young life has been spent suppressing my emotions to please others. But now I have finally found my voice. I fight through my demons every single day. I am reminded every day that I have various mental illnesses and that is what makes me human. Being alive isn’t running from what hurts us, but it’s facing it. When I was young I never understood why I always felt so different from others, so I tried to do what I could to fit in. To be liked by everyone. This included pushing down who I truly was inside. Drinking and partying away the girl I used to be. Giving love to people who never cared to give it back to me. I did all of this just because I thought that is what I was supposed to do. But now, after hitting rock bottom many times. I realize that life is so much more. It’s about being free. It’s about knowing that most days I am not okay, but getting through it anyway. Giving myself love every step of the way, nurturing my inner child. It’s remembering that growth happens in the valleys not the peaks. That our dark moments are what bring us closer to our purpose. When I finally learned to shed the person I thought I was, I learned that I have a lot of growing up to do. But a big piece of that is accepting that my life is not all together every single day. I struggle a lot. My anxiety hits me in waves, my depression can creep up on me and send me sleeping for days on end. But one thing I do know, is that I am alive. I have been called to a purpose of healing myself so that I can one day bring this same to healing someone else. I’ve spent countless hours crying over the cards I was dealt, thinking that I was doomed from the beginning. Now I wake up and thank the universe for the magical life I was given. I try to find peace in every moment I am alive. I’ve sat in my pain for days on end. Feeling it’s edges and power to take me out completely. I’ve picked myself up and kept working towards a healing path. I fall off constantly and am constantly in a fight with my demons. Life can be heavy, it can feel exhausting just to get out of bed in the morning. But I do know that now a days, I pray, I see a therapist, I have supportive friends, I do what makes me happy, I say no to things I don’t want to do and most importantly I have faith that if I stay on this path I can make a difference in someone else’s life. I will never stop talking about mental illness. I will never stop talking about the days I struggle and the days I am doing well. I will also never stop reminding people that they are magical beings, and that they belong here no matter what their head is telling them. I am the type of person that is either always thinking about her next meal, cooking or eating it. I love to eat, I love food and this will never change. I used to try restrictive diets, crazy low calorie diets etc - I hated all of them. The only way I feel wholly myself is when I am eating clean, high protein, whole food diets - with a little bit of treats in between. I absolutely do not believe in restriction, I think that what’s the point of living life if you aren’t enjoying what you eat? I have also done extensive research on clean eating, diets for anxiety/depression and now vegetarian diets. I also work with a health/fitness coach to keep me accountable (shoutout @MelNyhan). But most important I have curated a healthy meal plan that keeps me full, energized & loving life. Most of my meals are very simple, I like it that way. I try to eat grains, veggies, fruit, beans, etc every single day. It took me up until 2 years ago to realize that I wasn’t actually eating vegetables every day. I don’t really consider myself eating healthy if I am forgetting veggies and fruit - they are so important! I eat to feel good and happy, and veggies are a big part of that! I am also gluten sensitive so I limit my whole grains by eating ezekial bread and that’s it. If it is a special occasion I will eat pasta, I just know I will suffer the consequences later. I also am Dairy sensitive so I no longer have whey, casein, or milk. I do eat some cheeses that I am tolerant too as well as ice cream if it is a treat. That’s another thing, if someone is visiting me in the city or I’m at Nana’s house or I am really craving my favorite dessert, I will have it. I don’t believe in not treating myself - deprivation is the easiest way to fall off your diet. I used to stress about what I was eating constantly, it is so freeing when you finally find a meal plan that works for you. Let me tell you though it took much trial and error and probably always will as I try new foods and recipes. I try to incorporate super foods, healthy seeds and other foods every day so that I can always feed my body with the right things. I strive to eat for optimal health everyday - food can heal us so it’s important for me to always make sure I am supplementing myself with the best food. Going vegetarian has been my latest trial and error - but I think after three weeks I finally have it figured out and feel confident in this lifestyle change. Anyway, below is a typical day of eating for me to reach 1900 calories 120G of protein 216G of carbs and 64G of Fat. I also will add in my supplements!
Most mornings I start out with coffee and almond milk but my latest treat has been a warm Raw Cacao drink. I mix two teaspons of Cacao, 1 cup of almond milk, a sprinkle of cinnamon and one packet of Stevia. Tastes just like hot chocolate and the health benefits are amazing. I also have to note I do love starting my day with fresh squeeze orange juice - benefits are amazing and it always tastes so good vs having preservative and sugar filled Orange Juice. Breakfast: Breakfast can usually depend on my schedule for the day - sometimes it is a protein shake if I don’t have time to sit and eat. I also love making protein pancakes! But lately I have been loving overnight oats - soaking the oats overnight with chia seeds is better for my digestive as they allow them to expand before eating. Overnight Oats 1 cup of almond milk ½ cup of oatmeal 1 teaspoon of chia seeds Soak overnight in a mason jar. The next morning I will add peanut butter, a banana and cinnamon. You can always switch out the toppings for other berries, nuts etc. Snack: For a snack I usually will have a protein shake if it’s right after my workout. Protein shakes have been such a staple in hitting my protein goals so I love to have them! 1.5 scoops of Vega Vanilla Protein 1.5 cups of water of almond milk 1 teaspoon of Flax Seed Handle of frozen strawberries Sometimes if I need more protein I will also have pumpkin seeds for a snack - yum! Lunch: A great lunch I have been loving lately is super simple. Covers the protein, carbs and fat ratio while getting my veggies, grains and protein in. 2 slices of Ezekial Toast with Hummus (I use whole foods lemon hummus) 1 Tomato ½ a Cucumber 1 cup of egg beaters egg whites cooked in olive oil 1 oz Mozzarella cheese It is so light and filling, I swear I could eat it everyday!!! - If you are on the go switch out the egg whites for egg salad with light mayo and mustard. Dinner: Dinner is usually similar to lunch but a little heavier - since I am carb sensitive I tend to eat my rice in the evening (still figuring out why carbs can make me slow down). My other go-to dinner is a quinoa bowl filled with vegetables (mushrooms, peas, broccoli,cabbage etc) and a protein (beans,tofu, eggs) and a fat (mozz cheese, avocado, olive oil). Some may call this a buddha bowl - I call it a meg bowl because I literally throw whatever I have in my fridge into a bowl and eat it. Curry Tofu & Chickpea over rice ¼ block of extra firm tofu (better for digestion) ⅓ cup of chickpeas 1 tbsp of Patak’s Curry Paste (add onions and tomatos) ¼ cup Jasmine Rice (some days I switch this for quinoa as it has more protein - less carb heavy) 1 cup Broccoli 1 cup peas I cook the tofu on the stove top with the chickpeas just til they are a little brown then I add in the curry paste. I top this over rice with the veggies - super simple and easy to meal prep for all week long goodness! For desserts: Not everyday will I have a dessert but I do indulge when I feel I need too. I usually try to eat homemade sweets versus store bought preservative filled sweets. I also love snacking on fruit and dark chocolate! As for supplements, I take Vitamin C, B12, and Biotin. As well as a probiotic 3 times a day and BCAAs during my workout. That pretty sums up a whole day of eating for me! I end this particular day with 1861 calories (if I need something extra or feel tired I will snack on watermelon or an apple depending on how I feel - or just add a little extra to my portions). 123 g of protein, 207 g of carbs and 64 g of fat. So for anyone that is struggling with the idea of getting enough protein while on a vegetarian diet… the proof is in the pudding! Feel free to comment or reach out with any questions! Two years ago I made my life long dream happen - I moved to New York City. As a little girl I dreamed of living in New York. I craved the big city life and making something out of myself. As most of you know I was lucky enough to attend the Fashion Institute of Technology - one of the top fashion schools in the country. From there I graduated and stayed in New york - moving from Manhattan to Queens (border of Brooklyn). In the past two years I have learned a lot, not only about myself but the world around me and the human experience as a whole. A lot of what I expected my life in New York to be like never happened- rich athletic man, prestiges fashion job, cute apartment in manhattan. But in turn a lot of amazing things happened instead. Here are 10 things that I learned when I moved to New York:
1.Patience Patience is the most essential thing when living in New York. I think literally every grocery store from 125th st all the way to park slope always has a line - if not out the door. Not to mention the constant running into people with your cart or skipping by aisles just because they are simply too narrow. You learn to wait for the subway when its delayed whether you are sitting on the train already or sweating your ass off on the platform. You soon find out that every event or festival has long lines. You also learn that not everyone walks as fast as you or drives as fast as you want your Uber to drive. New York can be one big waiting game. I have found that getting angry doesn’t change the situation, so I have learned to sit back and take it all in no matter where I am. You can see some interesting things on the L train that’s for sure. 2. New Yorker’s aren’t actually that mean Yep I said it. Most New Yorker’s are some of the nicest people I have met. I think because the city is diverse, filled with people from all over - people are kind and respectable no matter where you are. Even the people who are born and raised in the city have been very nice! I mean you know, we don’t have that southern hospitality over here but people in New York aren’t as rude as people make them out to be. There’s mean people all over the world, not just New York. Treat people with respect here and you will get treated with respect back. 3. If you’re not a hustler, New York isn’t for you Okay I mean you can totally not be a hustler and live in New York. But when it comes down to it, New Yorkers are some of the hardest working people I’ve ever met. I mean the normal working hours are from 9-6 and most of the time the day goes later than that. Sure a lot of us may be workaholics but that’s because people come to New York to make their dreams happen. It’s the city of hard workers all the way from the CEO on Wall street to the Bodega Cashier in Queens. You come to this city to hustle, work hard and make your dreams and life happen. You start from the bottom and you do what you need to to make it to where you want to be. Even if that means your life is a little bit more fast paced than those on the west coast. 4. Adaptable and Resourceful I was adapted to New York and it’s culture within the first month of moving here. I was kind of forced to give in to the fast paced lifestyle to make sure I didn’t get run over (literally and figuratively). Being adaptable is so key to living here. It’s common for people to move through careers, burroughs and subway trains at a constant pace (delays & construction every weekend). The city itself is changing, growing (yes I know) and that’s because it would progress if it didn’t - so why shouldn’t I? When it comes to being resourceful I really had to learn how to live with what I had but also how to adapt to this new way of life. My apartment is the size of a trash can so I had to be resourceful with space. When we got robbed in our first apartment, I had to handle it with patience and grace - quickly adapting and figuring out the best way to get out of that building. And most importantly, being a young woman in New York at age 23, I learned how to live my life alone and thrive at it - even if that means grocery shopping every 2 days just so I don’t have to carry 15 bags on my half a mile walk home. I also go to three grocery stores for different items to save money - gotta do what you gotta do. 5. It’s not all glitter and gold When I was first living in New York people used to say to me, “How is your glamorous life in New York” and I used to laugh. What glamour? Sure it can be luxurious for some, but with the cost of living in New York it really isn’t worth it to lead the lifestyle of lavish parties etc. In my experience, glamour doesn’t always equal happiness. I used to go to the club with my friends and a promoter (someone who gets you in for free) and most of the people there had flashy bottles and bottle service but were on their phones the whole time or they looked miserable. Everything you see on social media isn’t always genuine. A lot of it is all for show. I've been at parties with famous people, saw singers performer private events etc. it's cool to experience once, but for me, I am good with a dainty coffee shop in a cute tucked corner of Brooklyn. Working in fashion wasn’t all it seems either. I worked fashion week with an up and coming designer and don't get me wrong, the experience was absolutely amazing and I am so grateful. But there is a lot of hard work that goes into it behind the scenes. Although the finish product is always amazing, people forget the literal tears and sweat that goes into the rest of it. 6. Money isn’t Always Important This leads me to my next point. It is very possible to live in New York with an entry level salary. There is a common misconception that you have to be rich in New York. This is totally not true. As long as you are good on a budget and don’t splurge on silly shit you will be fine. There are ways to have a decent rent, not buy overpriced groceries etc. Plus New York is a hustle, most people here work more than one job. But I think there is a freeing feeling of moving to an expensive city and making it work. Plus if you live in my neighborhood you can get 8/$5.00 beans and 10/$1.00 limes - holla. 7. Loneliness The thing about New York is that it is one of the most populated cities yet it is so possible to feel like the only person in the whole dang city. People are on their own agendas here, they got their own shit to deal with. It’s very common to feel very small here. The important thing is not to get consumed by it. I luckily have made friends through work and school etc, but it took me awhile. But once you find that urban network it’s so amazing - especially since most of my friends are from all over the country. Sometimes loneliness can be a good thing though - the city is so loud, fast paced and there is so much energy you come across. Taking time for myself is so important to me. I actually enjoy doing things alone, I spend days taking myself to the park, coffee shops etc and it is truly peaceful to be happy doing things alone. 8. You Either Sink or Swim But treading water for a little while is okay to. New York is not for everyone, luckily I knew it was for me within the first week of living here. I like to think New York is the place that all of the fucked up and broken people come too - all in search of something, whether they came here for career, love, a change etc. It can be very overwhelming for people and it just isn’t for them. I think though that it’s okay to be on the fence about it, this is a tough city to live in. I have had my fair share of anxiety, subway cries and thoughts of moving back upstate. But I swear there is nothing that beats the feeling of walking down the street knowing that this is my home. 9. Finding myself New York really forced me to grow up and find myself. I am glad I came when I did because if I waited any longer I am not sure it would have had the same effect on me. I came to New York an insecure, broken but hopeful girl. It forced me to toughen up, to fight for myself and to not let the little shit bother me. I have been robbed, screamed at by homeless people and screwed over by people - but who hasn’t experience their fair share of shit? You come out stronger. And for me I choose to always see the good in the world, this has been a key component of finding who I truly am. New York taught me to chase my dreams because I don’t have much to lose. People come here and live out their wildest dreams, and that’s what it did for me too. I found I love leading a healthy lifestyle- mainly because I had to hit rock bottom with my New York lifestyle to figure that out. But it’s all where I am meant to be and I love that. 10. Anything is possible Literally anything can happen in New York. You would be amazed by the things that happened to people here everyday. It’s the city of dreams and I firmly believe in that. Not only that but literally there is so much to offer in New York. I mean my neighborhood has 6 bodegas in a 1 mile radius so there’s many options - just like all of new york. If one thing doesn’t work out then something else is bound too. My life in New York has been nothing short of amazing. It’s been hard, it’s taught me alot but ultimately my love for this city runs deep, and that I will hold on too. For a long time I have thought about giving up meat and eating a more plant based diet. I always knew the benefits of being a vegetarian, it just never seemed like the right time to actually commit to it. For a long time I have felt that there is no humane way to kill animals, especially in the way that the meat industry does. But I also knew that eating meat is important to many people and their lifestyles. I think that my decision to go vegetarian was based around a lot of things. For example, sometimes I get brain fog, stomach aches etc from eating meat. A lot of meat is processed and the amount of hormones, antibiotics etc are just not good for me and my body. After much research on the meat industry I found out a lot of things that didn’t settle right with me. Things like how they kill pigs in certain factories, inject growth hormones into chickens, and that most meat isn’t actually all real meat (gross). Watch this video if you are interested https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrxbG6S5BX4.
Eating meat seemed very natural to me for a long time. It wasn’t until I became more aware of my diet and what I put into my body that I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to eat meat anymore. Having a plant based diet that is made up of complete whole and natural foods felt more right to me. Not to mention I have struggled with skin issues for years and going vegetarian is one of those things that I am hopeful will help. Also as crazy as it sounds I feel more connected to the earth and world when I am eating a diet consisting of plants and raw foods - my body just feels more whole & balanced. There are a lot of reasons to go vegetarian in my eyes - overall health, the animals and the environmental impact that it has (even if yes it’s just one person). So a week ago I decided to make the shift to a vegetarian diet. I was excited but also nervous. Mainly because I do have some dietary restrictions. I don’t eat gluten often, the only dairy I have is certain cheeses & ice cream (no whey, milk etc). I also have to limit the amount of soy I have as well as beans. Lastly, I am on a high protein diet - I aim to get 120g a day of protein to keep my diet sustainable with my lifestyle. So taking this all into consideration I felt that maybe I had a challenge on my hands in order to make this vegetarian diet a true lifestyle change. I did a lot of research on foods with the highest protein content (https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/protein-for-vegans-vegetarians) and found that there was a lot more I could eat than I thought. A lot of vegetables have a decent amount of protein in them. After reading this list and doing some more research I started to plan out my meals so that I was always prepared. When it comes to food and my diet, I never deprive myself. I believe in eating a healthy diet that isn’t so much a “diet.” For me this is my life forever, it’s an everyday thing. Just some background I eat about 1900 calories a day, 120g of protein, 226g of carbs & 65g of fat. I do count macros consistently, it has changed my life and really made an impact on my life. I also workout 3-4 times a week - not much cardio and mainly all strength training. Not to mention I live in New York City and I average at least 3-4 miles walking a day. I also do take a probiotic 3 times day because I do have such an intolerance to so many foods - this keeps me balanced and my gut in good condition. My biggest concerns so far were getting enough protein & being able to eat enough food without feeling deprived of all my favorite things. I know many people will try and tell me that I don’t need that much protein or whatever. But I know my body and I am confident in what it needs. I lift weights, A LOT so ya girl needs that protein in order to keep these muscles. This is a lifestyle that makes me feel the best so with that in mind I wanted to make sure my vegetarian lifestyle would fit. So I started my new meat-less life a week ago. And I have to say that it was not as hard as I thought it would be, I was really worried that I would crave meat or feel like I wasn’t able to eat anything. But that was of course, a little dramatic. I found that on my new diet I actually eat way more vegetables - which has always been a goal of mine. All of my meals are filled with veggies, a healthy grain, beans or tofu and sometimes seeds or nutritional yeast ( a yeast that contains a ton of protein). I also found that my post-food grogginess lessened. I usually am food coma-ed every time I eat and that didn’t seem like such an issue. Not too mention my energy levels increased! I felt more clear headed through the day and that I didn’t even need coffee to get me through. It was a little challenging to plan my meals, but I found that I would try to make my old meals from before but replace the protein source with things like tofu, beans, peas, broccoli, quinoa or seeds etc and it helped a lot. Not to mention I was still able to hit my protein goals every day. As long as I was prepared in advance with all of my meals and snacks then I felt fine. Not to mention I wouldn’t stress too much about being perfect in hitting my caloric and macro goals - I just listened to my body. I did have meat on Tuesday because I had chicken that was cooked from a few days before, but surprisingly I didn’t even want to eat it. Once I committed to this new way of life I realized that I literally don’t desire to eat meat anymore. I think I started to see all of the benefits firsthand and it just feels so much better. Plus all I can think about is the chickens being so fat they can’t move or the pigs being boiled alive and I’ll take all the beans and vegetables please and thanks! One of the other interesting things I noticed was the amount of fiber I now have in my diet. I did bloat a lot this week but I figured out that was because I went from no fiber in my diet to my daily need if not more. I think a lot of us don’t realize that we are not getting the 25-35g of fiber daily and this can also be a huge health problem. So yes, it is possible to still bloat or having stomach issues when eating healthy food, but it doesn’t last forever. Having sufficient amount of fiber helps get rid of the bad bacteria in our gut so that we can feel balanced and not deal with unnecessary bloating. I was concerned with the bloating and few stomach aches at first but realized that normally when you introduce so much more fiber you are supposed to slowly transition it, but because I need the protein I decided that eventually my body will adjust, I’ll just keep chugging water to help it. So there you have it, Meg is now a vegetarian and I think I am going to stick with it! Send me your favorite veg recipes, I would love to try them!!! I was one of the lucky ones to get a job working in fashion right after graduation. I even started my career while I was still in school finishing up my degree.
I was super excited and grateful to jump-start my career so young. Getting to work photo shoots with some super awesome fitness models & photography crews. Working in a small start up I literally was able to have my hands in mostly everything. I got to see the fashion industry firsthand. While also seeing how a business runs from all angles as my roles seemed to be very mixed. My role initially was merchandising assistant but this quickly turned into copy-writing, social media marketing, customer service etc. I think that one thing I learned when working for a small fashion start up is that you have to be a hustler, a lot of those who work in small companies take on many roles. You may be at the company for 4 years and still do “intern” work from time to time - you have to be okay with doing whatever is needed of you. Which for me was okay, until it became too much. To a lot of people my job seemed like the bee’s knees. I mean it was pretty cool and a job that many would dream to have. It got me to stay in new york city. It got me to believe in myself when no one else did and it also taught me to stand up for myself. I have a dual degree in marketing and fashion business management. I worked my ass off through college so that I was equipped with the right tools when I got out of college. But sometimes that doesn’t entirely matter, I learned a lot on the job. How to be quick, how to take criticism and how to cry in the bathroom if I got too overwhelmed (yes, it’s not all glamorous). I think that’s where the desire to quit came in. I began to get burnt out very quickly. By wednesday of each week I was like a walking zombie, my to-do list long as ever. Waiting and wishing for the weekend to come. Just for it to go by fast and have to do it all over again on Monday. I was trapped in this cycle for a little while. I began to have panic attacks again almost every day, starting with each morning before work. I started asking people if they liked their job and became confused why so many people stayed at jobs that made them so unhappy. I spent from 9am-6pm Monday-Friday at a place that I was starting to resent. And I really decided that that didn’t have to be my story, I was not comfortable with being okay hating my job. I kept hearing the voice of others. Things like “The grass is brown everywhere” or “If you quit you won’t be able to make it in New York.” or my favorite one "You're only 23, you aren't supposed to love your job." I was kind of in a hard place, really having to decide if I was trapped in this position. Not too mention I felt my time at my job taught me a lot, the people I worked with were always helpful and kind - they became like family. But I knew that I no longer would be able to grow with the company. I’m not here to bash people or put out a post that is going to go on and on why I felt my first 9-5 was not what I wanted it to be. Instead I’m going to focus on why I decided it was time to do what was best for me. Right out of college I knew that I wanted to work for myself. I knew that I wasn’t made for the 9-5 life. I like to wake up, workout, meditate, write in my journal. I like to spend my days at coffee shops, at the park. I also can find myself very bored if I am sitting at a desk all day. I am a hands on learner and always have been. I like to be my own boss, work on my own time. I think a lot of what drove me to wait so long was the fact that I was afraid. Fear of not being enough, fear of making mistakes and fear of simply, the unknown. We go our whole lives believing that we should act one way in order to be successful. But guess what, I did the 4 years of college, I did the fancy internships and I did the 9-5. I still wasn’t happy and didn’t feel like I was on the path of what I was supposed to be doing. With that being said I began to research. I made a list of all the things I loved. Writing being at the top of that list. I just recently found writing last january when I started my blog. I found it as not only an emotional release but a way to speak my truth. I write almost every day. I figured that there had to be a way to make a living off of this. Some more research led me to some freelance resources. I soon found that my writing didn’t have to just be blogs. But copy-writing for email marketing, social media etc. I began to make a killer resume, portfolio and applied to jobs. I started to get work after a few trials and errors. When I quit my job, I knew that at that moment I had to believe in myself no matter the outcome. If I fell flat on my face I had to know that that’s okay. I’m 23 years old with a lot of life to live and a lot of mistakes to learn from. I just didn’t feel okay with pursuing a dream that wasn’t mine anymore. I want to write books, blogs, I want to use my words to help others find their voice. And I know if I keep believing in that then it will manifest. Not only that but continue to work hard, believe in myself and learn as much as I can along the way. Being humble is a big part of it also. The moment I start taking things for granted the moment everything can crumble underneath me. I pray a lot, I find myself making gratuity lists every single day. Pursuing my passions is a gift that not many have and the moment I stop seeing it like that is the moment I fail. I have too mention too, there was a time that I was applying to jobs just to see what else was out there. I reached out to people, applied to a lot of jobs & even thought about going back to school. Nothing seemed to work. It wasn’t until I quit my job that I realized all along I was meant to be working for myself. I had an instinct that that was going to happen. So hold on to your instincts and remember to go where you heart is telling you, don’t ignore that voice. If you feel yourself stuck in a job that you wake up every day saying “I really don’t want to go.” Really consider why you are feeling that way. It's not normal to resent the place you spend most of your time at. For me, I knew that it was not what I wanted to be doing anymore. I knew that there were other ways to use my creative passions to make a living. I jumped into it, without fear of the outcome and things started to play out. So chase your dreams, don’t let others tell you, you can’t do something and work your ass off towards the thing that makes you feel free. What’s on the other side of fear, could be something you have been waiting for all along. |
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