My name is Meg and I have a mental illness. I guess I should just go out right and say it. I was diagnosed at age 12 with a Panic Disorder. A panic disorder is a form of anxiety that comes about as panic attacks. I came to learn later in life that my anxiety stemmed much deeper than just having a “mental breakdown” a couple times a day. I also know that a big cause of my anxiety had to do with my diet, mindset and the lack of serotonin in my brain. Welcome to my story; all good and bad pieces of it.
I remember my first panic attack like it was yesterday. Everyone is different but the most normal symptoms of a panic attack are a huge feeling of fear, or impending doom, shaky hands, rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath. For me it was usually being so scared I couldn’t grasp my surroundings, a rapid heartbeat and the feeling of not being able to breathe. When I am in “panic-mode” my first instinct is to run home and crawl into my bed- my safe space. My first panic attack was so traumatic that I remember physically crying myself to sleep. It took me a few days to mentally recover. I suffered a lot with panic attacks after that. Some days making myself physically sick with worry, my anxiety has never been an easy journey. Luckily my parents knew enough about anxiety disorders that they were able to help me with some tools to deal with it. I soon went to therapy and read many self-help books. All these things helped me a lot. Having the tools to cope with my anxiety was huge help especially in those early years when everything seemed so scary. To make a long story short my journey with anxiety didn’t just stop after I learned these tools. 10 years later and I still get panic attacks. Now this is not to say that it is impossible to overcome this disease. Because personally I think that I have, I never let my mental illness take over my life – as hard as it tried too. For me having a mental illness is not about getting rid of it, I have learned that having a mental illness means I just need to handle my life and my problems a little bit different than others. This is something that is sometimes very frustrating but also very important to the aspects that make me happy in my day to day life. I am starting this blog as an outlet for myself. But in a greater scheme I hope to help others, it is helpful to me at least to know that we are not alone in this fight. Now more than ever we need each other’s support. Thank you for letting me share with you my most vulnerable truths. Enjoy and stay tuned for what is to come. Xoxo, Meg
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